Want to drastically improve your relationship? Here are 10 questions for you and your partner to use each month to improve your relationship and better support each other!
Check out the updated & expanded Monthly Check-in Questions, plus Relationship Rhythms, Communication Tips, and more in my new Relationship Workbook! Learn more.
Think about your professional life… You likely do weekly or monthly check-ins with your manager, quarterly reviews, performance reviews, and yearly planning. They (usually) help us give constructive feedback, set expectations, and help us grow & achieve our goals. But we often don’t apply these principles to our personal and romantic lives.
In order to have a fulfilling, respectful romantic relationship, we need to clearly communicate expectations, priorities, and goals - both personal and as a couple. We also need to be able to give feedback to have the change to make improvements.
By doing the following monthly check-in, you have a specific time to discuss your relationship - whether it’s the wins or the issues or challenges. Too often, we hold our expectations and feelings inside, letting them bubble up or burst out when that could be avoided.
This exercise a great way to discuss challenges respectfully, become more connected, and strengthen your relationship.
UPDATE: While monthly check-ins have helped, we’ve found the weekly check-ins to be EVEN MORE IMPORTANT. Get the weekly check-in questions and so much more in the Relationship Workbook here.
Monthly Relationship Check-in Best Practices:
Schedule this time in advance each month, make sure it’s on both your calendars/radar - this shouldn’t be a “surprise” for either of you.
Set aside at least 1 hour of distraction-free and interruption-free time. That means if you have kids, they are in bed or being cared for by someone else.
Have your check-in in a safe space. You should be doing this where you both feel comfortable to share - a restaurant or public space is not ideal. The purpose of a check-in is not the same as a date night.
The check-in should not replace date-night or quality time spent together. Think of this as a separate category of your relationship.
Listen & acknowledge. Give each partner the space to share their feelings: listen and acknowledge them before giving any comments or rebuttal. If you are interested in improving your communication & listening skills, checkout my new Relationship Workbook.
Stay curious! Each one of us has a different perspective, your partner can interpret a situation very differently from you. We each have different romantic histories that contribute to our current state of being & beliefs.
Remember: You are on the same team! It’s you + them vs. the problem, not you vs them. This shift alone is HUGE!
Monthly Relationship Check-in Questions:
1. What is something I did this month that made you feel loved?
2. What went well in our relationship this month?
3. What went poorly? How can we fix it?
4. How would you rate our communication this month? How can we improve?
5. How could I help you more on a regular basis?
6. Is there something I’ve done that upset or hurt you this month? How can I make it better?
7. Did we make time for closeness and connection this month? If not, how can we prioritize that in the future?
8. How are you feeling about our sex life?
9. What can I do to help or support you now or the coming month? (Stressors, projects, etc.)
10. Anything else you want to share?
If you enjoyed this, you’ll love the Relationship Workbook, including:
updated Monthly Check-in Questions
Weekly Check-in Questions
Going BEYOND the 5 Love Languages
Relationship Rhythms you need to implement
Reflection Exercises
Communication Tips
Relationship Manifesto
Over 20 Educational Resources
and more!
